Politics and more [21 Jul 2004|12:21am] well, this post comes from me having had about a 2 hour discussion with someone about politics and everything else involving life and people. One of these days, people need to wake up and realize what life is really all about. And I'm not talking about from a religious standpoint that life is all about worshipping a God or whatever... I'll cover that later... But... we are in control of this world. We are in control of how things are in this world and life. To give myself a starting point, i'm gonna go to economics. A quote from a book I love very much is "our world is neat, organized, and there are no homeless people. there is enough to go around for every single person on the planet, so everyone is taken care of. But on Earth... there is MORE than enough to take care of everyone. It's that people on Earth CHOOSE to not take care of everyone. It's not that people think that the homeless need to be taken care of and given an opportunity... people of earth THINK they think they need to be taken care of." And it's so right. We have everything. We have people in this country that live all day, lives perfect, they can sit back on a couch, watch tv all day, do absolutely NOTHING of any constructive measure.... and still have everything they can ask for. And then there are those people in the world who give 19 hours of their days doing all they can to make the world a better place, and when they get home, they struggle just to make ends meet. And that's sad. People need to stand up and realize that we are in control of the world. We are the power in this world. We get the impression from the things people say and do that we are the ants. and bill gates is the big person. screw that, Bill Gates is a person just like you and me. Bill though, chose to work his ass off and make himself what he is. Yet alot of us, myself included, choose to sit around, do our little part to make ourselves "OK" and then we do things for ourselves to entertain ourselves. and that is why things are how they are now. On religion... I thought this just a few minutes ago, and I have to express it somehow to someone. We are here for a purpose. People wonder, what is the meaning of life. I KNOW THE MEANING OF LIFE. I know it. It's very simple. Whether you think from a religious standpoint, or from a naturistic standpoint, or otherwise, the meaning of life is this: to create life. Naturistically, we are here to create life to keep life going as it is, to make the world a better place by our examples and by our actions. We are here to breed, to raise our children......... only so that they can raise THEIR children. That is it. Religiously, we are here........ *gasp* to create life. OMG, wait, someone out there is saying "no, we're here to worship God and to teach others about Him" well, that's exactly what i'm saying. But, religiously, we are here to be raised by our parents, and there to raise our children to worship God. We are not here, as selfish religious people would like to think, to be God's children, and to worship him so that WE get to go to heaven and be with Him. We are here to raise our children in such a way as they can raise THEIR children to be with God. As such, we are ALL here, for the simple purpose, to create life. Whether you are thinking religiously or not. Wow, just rambled there. hehe. I have more, but right now, I think I might be going out. so.... I will add more tomorrow night. 3 comments|post comment

[23 Feb 2004|01:52pm] Well, here's the first step. In about 4 hours, I'm moving out of the place here, and moving back up to ellwood into joey's place. Then in a couple days we're moving from there to florida. I'm posting this here because I will probably barely be online before I go. Weasel, signing off. 2 comments|post comment

wow [22 Feb 2004|11:09pm] [ mood | nostalgic ] [ music | When I see you smile - Bad English ] that was rough.... :-/ post comment

:( [22 Feb 2004|04:51pm] [ mood | sad ] Gotta find a way yeah I cant wait another day aint nothing gonna change if we stay around here gotta do what it takes cause its all in our hands we all make mistakes yeah but its never too late to start again take another breath and say another prayer and Fly Away from here anywhere yeah I dont care we just fly away from here our hopes & dreams are out there somewhere wont let time pass us by we'll just Fly yeah If this life it seems harder now it aint no never mind you got me by your side and anytime you want yeah we can catch a train & find a better place cause we wont let nothing or noone keep getting us down maybe you & I could pack our bags & hit the sky and Fly Away From Here anywhere yeah I dont care we just fly away from here our hopes & dreams are out there somewhere we wont let time pass us by we just Fly do you see a bluer sky now you can have a better life now open your eyes cause no one here can ever stop us they can try but we wont let them no way maybe you & I could pack our bags & say goodbye and Fly Away From Here anywhere honey I dont care we just fly away from here our hopes & dreams are out there somewhere Fly Away from Here yeah anywhere honey I dont I dont I dont yeah we just fly away Thanks Mags. post comment

Let the Goodbyes begin [19 Feb 2004|08:43pm] Well, it's starting... Yesterday at work I got to say goodbye to a few people who wouldn't be there tomorrow (my last day at work) and thus I'll probably never see them again. Today I got to say bye to Megan, who I haven't seen in a really long time, and probably won't see again for a very long time. Tomorrow I say bye to all the rest of my co-workers, then saturday, if all goes well, i say my hardest goodbyes, my dad, mom, gramma, and a few other friends. After that, I'll be done with my goodbyes I think, to those who have expressed desire to see me before I go, and then the last ones being Justin and Cissy the day I leave. It feels odd, and is kinda sad, i know I'm gonna miss quite a few people... But anywho, we're down to a week, actually less now, as next week at this very time, I will be in a vehicle crossing the country southwards towards the flatland. The invitation is basically open to anyone who wants to come down, you can grab a hotel in the area or in disney, and we'll be sure to come hang out with yas at some point during your trip. Otherwise, the webpage is in development already, and you can watch us from afar and see how our lives are going. Well, just haven't posted in a bit, anything real, so wanted to post something to let yas know that it is still all a go, and we are out of here one week from today. Oh, and latest update on how progress is, our electric, cable and phone are turned on, water we have to turn on in person. :) 1 comment|post comment

Ok, I'll bite [17 Feb 2004|11:56pm] Step 1: Open your Winamp or other lesser MP3 player. Step 2: Put all of your music on random. Step 3: Write down the first 20 songs it plays, no matter how embarrassing 1. Mudvayne - World so cold 2. Evanescence - Lies 3. Metallica - The Unforgiven (Acoustic) 4. Disturbed - Down with the Sickness 5. Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff 6. Punk Cover (3 bands, can't remember them all) - Walk Like an Egyptian 7. Jimmy Eat World - The Middle 8. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Brown Eyed Girl 9. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Country Roads 10. Metallica - One (Live, Acoustic) 11. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Sweet Caroline 12. Our Lady Peace - Clumsy 13. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - End of the Road 14. Butthole Surfers - Pepper 15. Linkin Park - One Step Closer 16. Trapt - These Walls 17. Linkin Park - From the Inside 18. Vertical Horizon - You're a God 19. Linkin Park - Krwlng (Reanimation Remix) 20. Matchbox 20 - Bent that's out of 170 songs. :( not nearly what I had before my last computer wipe. post comment

[13 Feb 2004|02:19pm] Here you can be anything. I think that scares you. I've been here before but only by myself. What giving up gives you and where giving up takes you. I've had and I've been. Here in center frame, there's only air. Just enough space to fit. I said it out loud over and over but what do I know. I said it out loud but it did not help. I'll stop now. Just so I can hear you I stay up as late as it takes, as long as it takes. I promised I'd see it again. I promised I'd see this with you now. Jimmy Eat World - Just watch the fireworks. http://home.att.ne.jp/surf/mirage/memory_album.html. A video tribute to Everquest, that game I play addictively... This video and song together just reminds me of why I still play the game. The people in the game, all the faces and names in the video... are real people. I have made so many friends in the game, many of whom I would give my life for, whom I would trust with my life.... and one to whom I already owe my life. post comment

packing [12 Feb 2004|08:16pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | Danger Zone - I forget ] Packing sucks nuts. Well, it wouldn't be so bad, but i'm what is known as a "packrat" heh. If something is important, i keep it. If something has sentimental value, I keep it. If something just strikes me and says "keep me" i keep it. It gets bad sometimes. Like when I found old notes I used to get from friends in like 9th grade, pictures from all ages, and a box of swedish fish and airheads that I was gonna send to someone like 3 years ago... needless to say I didn't eat them... but naturally, I didn't throw them away either. they will get packed up, and will come with me... oddly enough, right about where i was gonna send them, heh. Anywho, So I've gotten about half my room cleaned up now, the rest is just little things cleaning. Then I can start on actually packing stuff up in boxes and getting them ready to go. So I'm actually pretty glad I got a job where I did. Lol, i have so much fun there. Unfortunately, I've already been called a player. hehe. Sadly enough, the girl that called me a player is going out with me this Saturday night. Oh well. I guess I just flirt too much when I'm single. Mwahaha. SOO on other notes, I keep walking home from work laughing my ass of for various reasons. I won't post them here, due to the nature involved, but if you ever want to know, just ask. HAHA. hehe. hehehehe. I sorry, It still amuses the hell out of me. I guess i'm just morbidly evil. lol. Two weeks from right now and I will be nearing the pennsylvania border on my way down south. Still people don't believe I'm actually leaving. Well, I guess in the next few days when my room is all in boxes, it'll seem a bit more real. I just keep hoping for their sake that it doesn't finally become real 3 or 4 hours after I've left. Ok, entry is long enough now. 14 days! :) 2 comments|post comment

[12 Feb 2004|01:46am] RULES: 1. Put your birth month in an entry. 2. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you. 3. Bold the four that best apply to you. 4. Put all twelve months under a journal cut.   JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. 2 comments|post comment

song [11 Feb 2004|12:17am] [ mood | horny ] [ music | The song mentioned in the post. ] (chorus) Just close your eyes and look inside of you and find me next to you just one kiss to touch your lips to see you smile and bless the world it makes me cry to think that i will have to leave this peace of mind behind but i can't stay, i'll say good-bye, but never forget that you are mine (her)he hangs his head as he sits down, a river flows of tears without a paddle he may drown, hoping his angel reappears (him)yes he can only hear these cries, pain has struck inside of her face she drifts away a part of me dies, sometimes I can hear her say *chorus* (him)Not much left to live for, to walk alone why should I wait sending away my black banner, a moment too forever escapes. (her)quietly i stand beside you, two sets of footprints in the sand through dark times i carried you, and i always held your hand *chorus* (bridge) (her)Give yourself up, go on and live your life you'll be fine, and sometimes (sometimes) you can just *chorus x2* (him)Just close your eyes and look inside you of you and find me next to you (her, with him)(it makes me cry to think that i will have to leave this peace of mind behind) just one kiss to touch your lips to see you smile and bless the world (but i can't stay, i'll say good-bye, but never forget that you are mine) it makes me cry to think that i will have to leave this peace of mind behind (just close your eyes and look inside of you and find me next to you) but i can't stay, i'll say good-bye, but never forget that you are mine (just one kiss to touch your lips to see you smile and bless the world) just close your eyes, just close your eyes, just close your eyes. ~ Touch your lips, by *anonymous* Too be updated in the future as i get the PROPER lyrics. Some i filled in with my own words, some i filled in with *'s cuz i couldn't make it out. haha. A song by some friends of mine that I keep getting stuck in my head. One of them. The other i can't make out the words hardly at all, so I will post it when i get all the lyrics lol. 1 comment|post comment

My Future... [06 Feb 2004|01:40pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | None. ] Well, here goes... For the past month or so, there has been alot of talk between my best friend Joe and I about the possibility of living out our childhood dream of moving to Florida. When we were about 13/14 years old and my brother first moved down there, we always talked about how cool it would be for us to move there too. Well, a month ago Joe calls me and tells me that our time is here and we're gonna do it. So over the past month, preparations have been made, calls have been made, numbers have been crunched etc etc... and it's going to work. Me, Joe and our friend Nick are leaving the freezing tundra called Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania... AKA the land of "the lack of opportunity" and heading to the bright sunny tropics of Orlando, Florida. We will be leaving on the 26th of February. Personally, I hate to say goodbye to everyone, but I just can't take the cold weather, and my body can't take the constant changes in the temperature that we experience here. Once we are down there, there will be a website set up on the internet (by yours truely) with lots of info of how things are going, possibly a journal section for each of us to write in about our own experiences, and a picture section for yas to look at and see how things are turning out for us. As I have said when I have gone back to visit Ellwood on the occasions I have, I will probably say it when I come back here to visit... I don't miss it. I will not miss the cold, or the snow. The only thing I will miss is the people, so I do hope that you all keep in touch with me down there. Don't fret if you can't get ahold of me at points though as I will likely be either working my ass off, or hanging out at Disney ;). If you ever decide to take a vacation to Disney World, make sure to let me know so I can say hi hehe. Oh, just to clarify for those people who like to say "but..." and "what about..." well, Joey and Nick are as i'm typing this in Florida, the security deposit has been put down on our apartment, Joey has a job that he will be starting, Nick has a few job possibilities to choose from, and I have a job waiting for me when I get there with a few other possibilities that I can choose from at a later date. When you live in Florida for I think a year, you can go to any of the state schools for free. There is a state school about 40 minutes from where we will be living, so my plans as of now are to go there once that year is up. If not, there's also an ITT Tech about 40-50 minutes away, I could go there as well. If nothing else, after 7 months of searching for a job here, and ending up with the job i did... I know that there is nothing for me here, no opportunity. And in that case, I am forced to say "see ya". Goodbye to all my friends here, I will miss you all. Keep in touch though, and keep an eye out here and in my AIM profile for the link to the website we will have up. 6 comments|post comment

heh [06 Feb 2004|12:49am] The Playboy Random Gentle Sex Master (RGSMm) Clean. Smooth. Successful. You're The Playboy. You're spontaneous, and your energy is highly contagious. Guys therefore find you fun to be around, and girls find you compelling. You have lots of sex, and you manage it all without seeming cheap or being hurtful. Well done. You probably know karate, too. Your exact opposite: The Mixed Messenger Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer It's obvious to us, and probably everyone else, that you're after physical rather than emotional relationships, but you're straight up with potential partners. And if a girl you want isn't into something casual, it's no big deal. You move on. BEFORE sleeping with her. Usually. At least you try to. Such control is rare. If you're feeling unfulfilled, maybe you should raise your standards. New conquests will only be satisfying if there's a possibility of rejection. ALWAYS AVOID: The Priss CONSIDER: The Dirty Little Secret, The Nurse Hehe... *ahem* ... Real update coming saturday or sunday, important one. post comment

Pennsylvania Sucks [25 Jan 2004|10:30pm] [ mood | peaceful ] [ music | end of the road (cover by Me First) ] Well, I can now officially one day tell my grandchildren that when i was their age, I had to walk to work in 8 inches of snow, uphill both ways (to get to work, i have to walk uphill then back downhill, and the reverse on the way home obviously) heh. So tired of living here, want to move somewhere warm, cozy and flat. :) Other news, oh wait, there is no other news hehe. Nothing really new going on in my life, basically the same ol' shiznit, just workin away trying to save up some cash. Did I mention though that i friggin hate cold weather, and I hate snow? let me reiterate then, I FRIGGIN HATE COLD WEATHER, AND I HATE SNOW! That should about cover it. I guess the only real positive news is that i've balanced out emotionally and am finally content again. So no more going back there for awhile, k? I'm actually *gasp* having fun again! It's amazing. I have more people to talk to in the world (vocally) than just the people I live with. Crazy the things you miss that you take for granted til they're gone. Well, that's all for the update. hehe. 1 comment|post comment

I Wonder [12 Jan 2004|03:54pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Adema - The way you like it ] I wonder what people would do if they suddenly woke up and I was no longer there. Not that I died or anything, but if I moved away somewhere with no information about where or how to contact me. I wonder what friends I have that would actually take the time to actually track me down, and which ones would just write me off as another friend-gone-byebye. Makes me wonder... Anywho, got a job, not a great job, but a job nonetheless. So hopefully shortly I'll have myself a car, and then it's the process of saving money... and more saving money. Considering I suck at saving money, it oughta be interesting, but if nothing else, I have a goal to save towards, and no girlfriend to spend countless amounts of my money on hehe. I finally found myself, I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Finally there is no permanent darkness all around me, finally... finally... I can see. "The world goes round and round, spinning in cirlces til you hit the ground. All you see, all you know, gets smothered in a blanket of snow. What can you do when the times change, what can you do, stay the same? Or move on and go with the flow, venture on with all you know. I'll do what I have to, so I can finally say, through thick and thin I've found my way" 3 comments|post comment

Change is the only real constant in our lives [08 Jan 2004|10:05pm] [ mood | indifferent ] [ music | Fade to Black - Metallica ] Everything changes, that we know. It's how we adapt to those changes that really defines who we are as people. Change in people is a natural response to an everchanging environment, and changes in our surroundings. People change, things change, situations change. Coal to diamonds, lava to rock, ice to water to vapors and back again. Some things become completely unrecognizable after changes, you would never think of the shoes you wore yesterday could be part of the wheels on your child's bicycle, or even that the notebook you doodle in during class was once a mighty tree. People are similar, sometimes changes happen to people due to the environment, and merely weeks later, you cannot tell who they are anymore. You can know someone so well, then speak to them a couple years later and they have absolutely nothing in common with the person you once knew. Sometimes we may not even recognize ourselves. The power of the constant force called change. Anywho, haven't updated in a long time, cuz well, hasn't really been too much to update. Christmas and New Years came and went as they always do, a new year is here to bring new hopes, new question, new lives. The mere mention of the holidays, especially Christmas, to me prior to the day caused me to cringe. On December 24th many people were excited and happy as they anticipated the big day, on that day I was excited and happy as I anticipated that big day being over. Much to my surprise, the day was not nearly as bad as I had expected, although I did what I figured I would do. The holidays went by quickly and quietly and I couldn't have asked for more. So here we are, in this new year, a time when I continue to push myself to do what I need to do to improve myself, to get further in the future I have planned, to get closer to the happiness that I feel I deserve. And it's coming along. So it's 2004 now, I'm prepared to have a better year this year. 2003 started sweet and ended sour, as 2002 started sour and ended sweet. But perhaps my expectations were too high after the glorious end to the year 2001. And perhaps history does repeat itself, and I hope it does, as this year would start out sour, and end up once again sweet. The chain will end someday, and a new pattern will form, will it be this year? or next? "There's a process in the world. And no one can stop the change." ~ Less than Jake I tried so hard, and got so far... but in the end, it doesn't even matter... (to you) post comment

[19 Dec 2003|05:21pm] This oughta be interesting Click Here and show your true feelings! lol. Updates: Had interview with that job i wanted, has more interviews to do, but hopefully i get it. Christmas is coming, but isn't getting over with soon enough Lonely :-/ need my hair cut lol. that's about it. haha. enjoy. btw, if you take that survey thing, i don't care if you leave your name or not, so put a fake name and be honest. post comment

[14 Dec 2003|07:42pm] hmm, as good as i normally am at analogies, and as good as i am at finding song lyrics that describe how i'm feeling... I can't come up with anything at this time about how i feel right now. I have a start i guess of something, gonna try to type it out and see where it goes, hopefully it'll end up in the right place. I feel like i've travelled the world, on foot. Not just around the world, but through it. through deep woods, thick grass, getting stung and sunburnt. Through the lakes and the oceans, crossing the streams and mountains. Through the caves in the earth, the tunnels of the core, across rivers of lava and fire. Through each of these changing terrains, i have collected pieces, trinkets, of them, to remind me of the road i've travelled, the beauties and wonders i have seen and experienced, and the pain i have endured. It seems after each cycle through the wonders and horrors of the world, when i arrive back home, all of these trinkets i have collected are gone. Lost during the floods of the rivers, or the climbing of the mountains, or the traversing the lava. It seems that no matter how many trinkets i pick up, no matter how careful i am, no matter how much of the world i explore, when i get back home, i am left empty handed. I have travelled this path three times now, each time more seriously. And each time left with nothing but bumps and bruises and a glimmer of diamond dust i walked through at one point. None of the times did i actually want to return home, and thus i set off again on a new path each time. But after such a long journey that i just returned from, and so many trinkets i picked up and lost, through the multitude of wonders and horrors, coming up empty handed has me to the point where i don't want to go anymore. I want to stay home. If i could go back and change my life... i would do everything as i did, because it has gotten me to where i am. sadly, i'm at one of the worst points in my life, physically, emotionally, financially etc... but it's a point where i can see a glimmer of future, and i hadn't seen that all my life. Now that I am here... sometimes i just wish i could forget everything that got me here. I love to remember the good times, and it hurts to remember the bad times, but i understand the bad has to come with the good. BUT... remembering the good times is painful because i stand here with nothing to show for them but memories. I can't even say I've made good friends out of all of it, because i've barely ended up with aquaintances. I used to be so strong emotionally. I was a pillar of emotional support for so many friends, they can attest to that. And everytime I finally build up a foundation to rebuild my emotional pillar, it gets knocked down, with no apologies. I am out of concrete for my foundation, and out of marble for my pillar. I don't know what to do... Ok, that describes it about right. For those who keep asking, then yelling at me, and telling me what i have to do etc. hehe. I'm likely gonna visit my dad for a bit on christmas. maybe. Otherwise, I will be here at home. Since this post is so long, i'll give yas a link to lyrics that I feel right now that I just realized. One note though, I'm not suicidal. I'm not strong enough emotionally to be suicidal. Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park PS. I will be fine. Don't worry about me. 1 comment|post comment

[05 Dec 2003|01:52am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Hanging by a moment(?) - Lifehouse ] HAHA, should've known I wouldn't keep this down long. I lasted what, 25 hours? lol. oh well, i'm back up and running again. Strangely enough, emotionally, i'm back up and running again as well. Kinda surprising, guess I was more over everything than I thought I was before, and the relapse was only that, a relapse. :) Well, let's see, in the next couple days, i'm gonna be working on my computer putting in a new hard drive, so if i'm offline, dun worry, just means i'm doing work on this thing. Nothing really to update except i finally have more than one person willing to call me a friend! yay! lol. was kinda depressing that I always saw 2 people listed as friends of mine, and only one listed that I was a friend of theirs. So I fixed that. More people need to make these journals so i can add them as friends. Lemme know if you want one so i can give you a code so you don't have to pay. Night everyone! Wish me luck in getting this job, it's PERFECT. Want it soo badly. 3 comments|post comment

[03 Dec 2003|10:06pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Send me an angel, can't remember who ] Closing down the journal. at least for now. have a few months of hard work ahead of me, and this thing only seems to cause problems there. Later folks, if you wanna know what's going on in my life until i start this again, just gonna have to IM me or e-mail me and find out. AIM = weasel2149, weasel2149@yahoo.com I'll post an earlier post i had made, but hidden... "what's really bothering me... well, there are a few things. One, i still don't have a car, or a job, nor any possibilities on either one. two, christmas is coming up. It's going to be a very odd one. This will be the first christmas in 4 years that i've been single. I forsee it to be spent here, in my room, playing everquest. it bothers me more because... well, i dont' want anyone, read ANYONE, to buy my ANYTHING for christmas, not even a card. Cuz i can't buy anything back. There isn't gonna be a christmas for me this year really, cuz to me, christmas is spending time with people you care about, and giving. I won't be able to really do much of either. But, they tell me you gotta suffer to get ahead. Next Christmas will be different, and 10-20 times better. I promise you that. That is what's really getting me down right now... selling sexual favors for cash, leave a comment or IM me if interested. currently going cheap." That, and having to do something again that nearly killed me the first time. But I fought through it and won once, i'll do it again. post comment

[03 Dec 2003|08:28pm] How Sexy Is Your Name? According to studies, the first letter of your first name reveals your sexual identity. D Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open. hmm, Katies was off lol, but damn that's accurate for me. post comment

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